..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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