Small penises have feelings too.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
