he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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