this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
