Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
