I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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