your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
