i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
