i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
