get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
