Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
