i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
