i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's never too late to be topless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
