bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
