just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
