Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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