I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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