If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
