i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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