Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
