he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
