I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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