new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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