sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
