That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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