4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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