My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She needs sedatives and a leash
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
