Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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