Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
