Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
