Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
