If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
