Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
