he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
