my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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