apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
