i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
