i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
