You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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