I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
