Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
