The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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