Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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