My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize