a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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