I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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