capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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