Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
