woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
