Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
