and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
