Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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