can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
