Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
