I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
