Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
