Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
