When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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