What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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