ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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