I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
