i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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