Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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