were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
