honey bunches of taint.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
