That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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