38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
