dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
