I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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