my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
